I’m about to vent about my ex so please please please continue scrolling before making sick remarks or whatever. I don’t want advice, I think I just need to get it out of my system.
So we started dating last year in June. We had a good relationship, it was long-distance but it was healthy. Or at least I thought it was. He would come visit me and I would go visit him and we’d stay for long(weeks) in each other’s presence. He was the perfect gentleman, the man who was raised well and had the best manners. He was sweet, loving and he was all a girl would wish for in a guy. He was Bible-orientated, really believed in prayer. Really, I have no bad things to say about how the relationship started. It was beautiful in my eyes.
Things started becoming rocky around October of 2021 when he first hit me through my face neqr the South Campus Tuck Shop while he was drunk, I also thought it was because he was drink and that he would never when he’s sober. But I stuck it out and thought those were just the ups and downs of a relationship, also I was very in love with this man.
Things spiraled out of control during this year when we were living together. I’d been in a fight with my dad’s family while I was in the Eastern Cape (King William’s Town) and I was taking on so much strain that I decided to leave because my parents live in the Western Cape. This is how I moved into his room. During the #Sizofunda ngenkani campaign in January. All I had when I arrived at his place were the clothes on my back and the bag of clothes that were in my bag. He took me in because he understood the situation I was in, but I really feel he took advantage of that situation that I was in.
He mistreated me, he stopped being affectionate and stopped telling me he loved me like he always did. His reason behind not telling me he loves me anymore was “Uyayazi mos ba ndiyakuthanda, kutheni kufuneka ndikuxelele oko”. Before 2022 he would never go take a shower without me when I was around him but when I started living with him he would get out of bed without even saying “Good morning” and he’d get into the shower and on his way there he played music (which I felt was deliberate, especially because he woke up early to go to his comrades to campaign. I felt alone even when he was around and I felt like I was his sex toy because he was only ever affectionate when he was horny but of course I had no money qnd nowhere else to go so I lived under these circumstances. There were times where he’d sleep on the whole bed and leave minimal space for me to sleep on, and I’d sometimes end up waiting on the couch for him to move or wake up so that he would move to the space for me.
He would go out ‘to his comrades’ at night and he basically didn’t want me to go out during the day or at night for that matter which I eventually ‘understood’ (the night-time part). He would get drunk and we’d get into heated arguments about things. And this also happened when I was drunk.
I don’t know what picture he painted for his friends but they always saw me as the one who was wrong in every situation. There was a time I got so mad at him when his allowances came through in Feb because he disappeared the whole day and came back drunk and broke and suddenly all loving and affectionate because we were around his friends whereas whenever we were alone I didn’t get that from him. He was just constantly on his phone or just plain ignoring me. So this night I get so mad at him and I gave him a hot slap through his face and I was going in for more but got stopped by his friends. He got mad at me and broke things off with me the very next morning but by 12 midday he was drunk and he came to me and told me how we’d never break up because he loved me so much. I then complied and went with it because I actually loved him.
Fast forward to recently, we were constantly arguing because I felt he was giving me as much care as he gave his friends. I felt I was playing the role of a wife in his life because I washed dishes, I cooked, and I wasn’t allowed to go out clubbing or my drinking was controlled type of thing. He used to drink everyday and leave me in his room and check up on me when he felt he wanted to. I really felt neglected but I felt I needed him and I felt wanted his love. I held onto the small things he did that showed the slightest bit of affection.
He turned into a monster in ways I didn’t understand. He would beat me across my face and tell me this would be his new way of punishing me because I didn’t listen. Look, I’m not saying I was perfect in this relationship but I felt very emotionally oppressed in the relationship. And I really hope that one day he realizes that he really messed me up. He was my strongest support system but he was also part of the reason I was depressed and sad and I was getting anxiety attacks.
As I’m writing this message I’m in a Psychiatric Hospital for my third week, 25 days to be exact. I’ve broken up with him yes but I still think about him from time to time and I still think about the depths of what really happened in this relationship (lots of things I didn’t mention in this message).
My message to him: I’ll probably take a really long time to fall out of love with you, if that even happens but [name removed by admins] you need help and you need to acknowledge that you messed me up. You played with my heart countless times without feeling any remorse and you really really let down the one person who loves you dearly to chase after whatever you’re chasing. I guess the power you hold over that campus of yours makes you think you have conquered the world. I’m proud of your achievements but I’m disappointed at what a terrible person you’ve become. And sometimes I feel resentment towards you because you knew exactly how to manipulate and play my heart into believing you and being your stronghold. I just want you to know that I don’t hate you I just really am extremely disappointed in you and myself more than anything for believing that you loved me even though you acted the way you acted.
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