My family is from the East but I was born in Lagos. I am the only one in my family who doesn’t speak Igbo, all my extended family (grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.) speak it but I never really cared for it that much.

Sarah (my girlfriend) knows I am an Igbo and she asked if I spoke Igbo but when I said no, she didn’t push which I found refreshing, usually people ask a lot of questions. She never said she spoke Igbo but I remember her watching something and hearing Igbo but I figured she had subtitles on.

If it’s important, Sarah is from Lagos and we have been together for 3 months. It’s not long but it’s been intense. My grandmother had birthday on Saturday and my family threw her a huge party. I invited Sarah to come along with me as it would be perfect time to meet my family and they’re always very welcoming. She agreed.

When we got there, everyone switched to English to speak to Sarah but they quickly went back to Igbo.
I went to grab a beer and came back to find Sarah talking to my aunt, in Igbo (!). I came over and
played it cool, telling her I didn’t know she spoke it, yadda yadda.

When Sarah was with me, she spoke English but whenever she spoke to one of my family members alone, she switched because they switched. It made me really uncomfortable, especially since it wasn’t your typically barely spoken Igbo, it was full on, fluent Igbo and she understood my fast speaking relatives. I got really annoyed with her but said nothing.

My grandma told me how much she loved Sarah and how she’s happy I found such an amazing girl. All my family loved her and couldn’t stop singing praises about her.

On our way back, I got really angry with her and when we got to my apartment, I told her that I feel betrayed that she hid she spoke Igbo and how she made a fool of me out there. I admit I was shouting because I was so angry. I felt humiliated.

She asked me to calm down and told me she never hid anything. I accused her of sneakily making her way into my family instead of having them warm up gradually. She asked if I was being serious and I confirmed.

She called me a jerk and left my apartment. I was too angry to stop her. I am waiting for her to call me with apologies, but she hasn’t been in touch since Saturday night. I told
my brother about it and he told me I am the fool but I really feel disrespected by Sarah.

Am I an asshole for getting angry and shouting she hid she spoke my language?